I think the artwork is really impressive. You're doing a really good job at digital coloring. But I feel that the blood looks a bit too much slappy added, epecially in the first panel, though its color is well chosen. And I enjoyed the shining effect in the last panel.
If you plan on releasing this in English, I highly, HIGHLY recommend you find and partner up with a writer who speaks English as a first language. Someone who really knows what they're doing. And grammar isn't the only thing. For example: in real life, you don't ask if "someone pwned something." That's a word that was mistakenly created on the internet and you won't find it in any dictionary. That's really distracting and doesn't fit the context, because only nerds speak it in real life and that doesn't seem to fit the character.
Your English is great, but it takes so much more than that to write a good script.
Anyway...good luck with your comic. The art is spectacular as always.
you say that in real life only a nerd would ask "did you pwn her?"... well in the last panel she says "All of you shut up" this implies that all 3 of the comments immediately before that are made by different people, these people are likely to be people of Jolene Headhunter's team or party... Doesnt a team usually have someone remarkably clever among them? someone that works with computers a lot? a nerd?
so yeah, i dont think 'wn' is a bad word to use here at all
Yes, i have to agree that this comment does throw the rhythmn of the panel off course a little...
but maybe the fantastic, amazing and uuuberly cool artist was trying to make the speech sound more realistic... because in real life speech doesn't always flow smoothly... just goes to show how cool elsevilla really is