Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Ego vs tiredness

Sun Jul 29, 2012, 11:12 AM
The other day a friend told me that he meet an artist he liked  in a con in san diego, and he said to me that he was a real douchebag. I replied to him, does he was all day signing to a lot of people at the both?, did he had pain in his back?, do you catch him running like crazy to the bathroom and you wanted to tell him the story of your life? Did you interrupt him talking  to a friend he havent seen in 8 years? When you were talking to him the line was big so he interrupt you to give minutes to the person you didnt see at your back? Did he was sick and taking pills at the booth? Did he receive a call that he wont get paid and got mad? Did a close family member died recently and he just wants to be alone and shows no interest in your talking about Dragon Ball?

Those are the questions people never make, they just say i talked to him, didnt got  the reaction i was expecting, soooooo,  he must be a douche.

Strange because i used to think the same when i was a kid of 22. But those are the questions you never make when you get a bad reaction.

It happens to me in a con once, ive always draw sketches for free, never charge, been sitting on a con all day, you literally spend all day, in a bad position your back its killing you, you dont talk to people in a con, you literally scream, second day you dont have voice to talk so here comes this guy ask me a free sketch and i draw it to him, he leaves happy days go on and on, i started to get the flu, my feet are killing me im doing a seminar so people learn to in draw corel painter, then the guy returns wanting another free sketch but a better one. So i get mad, told him why he didnt liked the older one? Thats the first time ive ever refused to do another sketch i got really mad, probably he had said what a jerk, but he doesnt see all the background that made me say no in that moment, i mean i got other sketches to be made for other guys. Sometimes you cant see the whole picture.

The more you become old, the more your eyes will literally kill you when you DRAW, the back its going to hurt, you will need coffee and vitamins just to keep the pace you had when you were young, and the gap gets larger and larger each year. So it becomes less and less easier to be patient.

Whats the solution? Well many artists opted to do less feedback to fans on deviant art its healthier, you will see they replies on rarely occasions. I try to reply the most i can, i do live streams to show people how can easily you can do this, and not livestreams of just one hour, but really long live streams, that literally are killing my eyes and back without taking a break time between each hour.

When you are young, at school there are just a few people  that only says negative stuff about your work, lets say if you are lucky just 3 persons, but what will happen on internet when you become more popular , that number just rises, you receive tons and tons of these comments everyday, and i mean EVERYDAY.

You become the punching Bag  of many people, and sooner or later that punching bag its going to explode and harm the last guy that punched him before he puts a fresh new one.  Just watch out to not mix tiredness with ego thats different, mistaken so easily.

And ego guy, its someone that likes to humiliate other people, someone that always sees you below his shoulder not because he is tall, a guy that use bad words to people that dont like his stuff and specially the guy that likes to talk how bad other art is.

But we all have one day like that, after all we are humans, but ego its the guy that never leaves that phase.

And ego guy will say his art its perfect, a tired guy like me will say that his stuff isnt perfect and just to tired to even argue about it.

Sometimes people just want to be heard and not preached, its like when you are talking to your parents of a problem you have, you just want to tell them the bad day you had, and they start telling you the mistakes over and over, you know what you did wrong,  you already know. You know they love you, but somehow it pisses you off ?

There was a problem on a past upload i made, some people starting attacking me out of blue. This are the guys that hate other artists, they want to force their point of view to another artists, ive already knew that the pose was drawn WRONG i wasnt justifying the pose as a well drawn pose because i knew it was drawn wrong but still like it, but they couldnt accept i did it on purpose because i liked the composition, they couldnt understood why i like it, but they say that i insult them. I INSULT them for drawing a pose i liked, character wasnt humilliating female gender.

Its the first time in my life that someone says to me that drawing something i like, insulted them, you wont imagine the mix of feelings i had at that moment sadness and anger, especially when this person was the type of person that copy and paste everything i said with "" like been sarcastic, she told me to shut up in my own gallery,  ive snapped when this person mocked my nieces. No body does a copy and paste o my nieces and place them with "".

So i said to that person have a nice day and block it. Also ERASED the upload, to save this person a lot of trouble with fans that go to her account to bash her, i  erase it to protect this person. You cant imagine how hard its to be kind, but i tried my best.

Will that action made me an ego artist probably, but the real reason its that i DONT DRAW for people like that and never will.

So once in a while let me be a bit selfish, let me post pictures i like with comments disabled, we all sometimes need to be heard and not preached.

Ive already know that i never drawn a perfect drawing, and probably will never will.

Just wanted to explain the reason why it happen, so you dont have to blame yourself. And be more patient with artist over their 30s, try to think on the other side, sometimes its not ego, its just Tiredness.

  • Listening to: Go-aqualia
  • Reading: imagine fx
  • Watching: Game of thrones
  • Playing: Battlefield 3
  • Eating: my pride
  • Drinking: My own tears
Add a Comment:
Blackinkbarbarian Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2012
Thank you for this journal post, it has make be aware what I will meet when I start rolling my stories on mass.

There are sadly some folk outthere that think that a drawing or story is only likeable when it is perfect. The one who trash you, has never even thought that some people can like drawings that aren't 100% perfect. It is a bit sad and I know will be meeting some of those folks somewhere along my own road...

I'm 30 years old now. I know how it is to be misunderstood when I'm tired or moody. I haven't reach the spotlights yet, But when I do, I know that not everyone will be happy with my works or with the feedback I'm giving them.

Ah well. I gonna go and drink something. Good luck with drawing stuff. ;-)
redadder515 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's why I admire you guys and gals. People who don't know always assume, and don't put themselves in that other person's shoes. Where I work (at a hospital), we always have to do a general assessment (observation, usually, and then the stethoscope and etc.,). The artist's eyes were probably red, dark circles under his/her eyes, haggard expression on his/her face.
If the person looks like they just got out of bed, or they have pained expression, or they had a rough day, then maybe, reconsider taking too much time.
Now I'm not excusing actual egotistical jerks or assholes, but I totally agree with you.
zexykupo Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012
....You're really amazing. I can't think of anything else to say.
Leonidas666 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
May I say that you post the "best" Journals (lol - but it's true) and now I know why you turned off the comments on that picture... I'll be 35 in two days, so I can relate.
elsevilla Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
nice man, hope you have a nice party.
whatthehecktye Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012
this is a great journal
it really is
ive never been to a con before but when i do, i'll keep this journal in my mind
if i ever go to a con where you attend i'll bring a hotpad for your back
hopefully it would help
almond-cake Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No imagino lo difícil que debe ser lidiar con esas personas que creen que como llevas muchos años dibujando entonces hacerlo debe ser muy fácil para ti y algo como un sketch sale en 5 minutos y entonces por eso puedes hacer tantos como la fanaticada lo exija...
Es inusual que las personas consideren que todos tenemos problemas, hasta esas personas que admiramos, supongo que es el resultado de ponerlas en pedestal y considerarlos otra cosa que no es humana XD
Siempre me ha sorprendido la paciencia que tienes con respecto al mundo de DA, y te considero una gran persona por tomarte la molestia de explicarle las cosas a la gente que hace comentarios no siempre muy acertados en lugar de tener un arranque de ira y mandarlos muy lejos, lo cual considero es fácil cuando estás rodeado de tanto hater y/o gente que no lee las explicaciones.
Y espero no decir una burrada aquí pero, cuando veo tus trabajos, se me figura como que a DA vienes a divertirte o compartir las cosas buenas de la vida del artista, algunas veces también exponer una que otra discrepancia con el mundo, y pues sí, está muy bien, yo digo que "te compartes" en lugar de simplemente subir un dibujo y desentenderte de todo lo demás; insisto, eres una gran persona y pues, gracias por serlo. =)
ShiRaMK Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"So once in a while let me be a bit selfish, let me post pictures i like with comments disabled, we all sometimes need to be heard and not preached."

You let us appreciate your work, that's more than enough for me!
Chialupa Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for this post.

I hope that someday when I'm grouchy and tired, I can strive for the same level of kindness regardless of my mood. You're an inspiration!
MaKuZoKu Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2012  Professional General Artist
Awesome, that's also what i feel sometime :D
neogio Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Professional General Artist
My hotkey arm (my right arm) has been sore for about a month now. I'm pretty certain I have carpal tunnel from working on Eternal on Manga Studio. Also my eyes do burn from looking at my 12 inch tablet pc for awhile. I started getting short with everyone around me for awhile; so I decided to cut back on Facebook and the internet entirely. Plus someone only has been trying to sabotage me and talk behind my back. When you reach out to people and then they turn out to be ungrateful scumbags that want to tarnish your reputation as an artist; it's made me pretty reluctant to give anyone else advice and not reply to as many people who have nice things to say. Some people are just untrustworthy scumbags the year before; and it takes it's toll on us. Epsecially me. I have a wife and two kids now. Just had baby Sonia over here. I have only time to deal with 2 babies. Her and Cella. I don't have time to deal with babies online. And that can sound pretty harsh; but if anyone here knew what I've had to deal with; you'd think twice before calling me "egotistical". I totally get where you're coming from Hector. Cuidate man y gracias por la Journal entry bro :)
neogio Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
No lol No es el caso hermano. Yo dibujas con mi mano izquierda. Pero es mi mano derecha que se duele como un chingado lol Y yo usas esa mano para los hotkeys. Mi mano izquierda esta bien lol Penso porque yo usas esa mano mucho con my lapiz y sketchbook. lol La otra mano; no aces mucho :)
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
no hay problema, el dolor de mano es por que a lo mejor no giras el canvas o si? He notado que eso que mencionas le sucede mas a gente que usa photoshop sin girar..
TraytSader Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
You've said it all. =D
CauseForDementia Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
very well said! Whatever you do, don't give up. :)
TJSGrimm Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012   General Artist
Well put <3
Karv-Arth Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aguanta :c
rapxic Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
sounds reasonable

I remember sum chick was hollering because i was taking time to do drawing of her tat cuz the tattooist didn't do it, i'm naturally a calm guy but couldn't take that shit so i walked outside and went for a drink in the bar.

sometimes you got to treat a douche like a douche
SSaruman Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
After reading your post, I thought about this one thing you said "Let me be a bit selfish, let me post pictures I like with comments disabled, we all sometimes need to be heard and not preached". It struck me as kind of odd (even if it was a throwaway kind of statement) that you have to ask the people to let you be a bit selfish to post pictures that you like. It make it sounds as if you're subservient to those who look at your art.
I believe, very strongly that we as artist, especially those that have honed their skills to a point where a large amount of people like the finished pieces that the artist produce, first and foremost, produce things that the artist likes, regardless of what someone else likes or does not. If a artist wishes to invite criticism on a piece, that is that artist prerogative. However, I would think that a artist would only want that kind of raw estimation of their skills as a artist from another artist whose skills, outlook on the world and insight into the process you value to the highest order.
Of course whenever a piece is posted on here for public consumption, we are putting out something to the world that we admire and would like others to admire as well. But the truth of reality is that it may not hit everyone as something they like as it does the artist. Which there is nothing wrong with in and of itself. But if people start bashing something that you, as an artist, put work and effort into to show how much you value the composition, then there is not one thing wrong with disabling comments and be done with the lot of them.
We, as Artist, are producers, and while there are many schools of thought and philosophy that fuels the fire that drives us to create, the one that I believe is the best of them all is simply, we are the Alpha and Omega, the pieces we create begin and end with us, and as the creator we sit above those who cannot or worse, will never create anything beyond the scrawlings of their own handwritten name (if they can even so much do that).
I agree that any artist acting not like what a fan of that artist would call a douche may have a million different factors going into what made the artist respond that way. But the sense of 'entitlement' that certain people have towards anything that they like should NEVER cross the boundaries of self respect, and you, as a artist should NEVER have to put yourself into a position of having to 'let' someone or someones post something on here that you like. THEY, the audience, will either like something you create, or will not, If they don't, they can go look at something else that more closely mirrors the values they are looking for in a piece. the only thing that you, as a artist, can and should do, is produce something that you like based on your own values and skills that you honed to bring to life that particular piece that was in your minds eye, the artist eye, or to be more blunt, the creator's eye.
So post what you want, how you want, without these 'haters; wanting to use you as their own punching bad to make themselves feel better. Remember, than can only do that to you if you're a willing participant to the abuse. So don't be their sacrificial lamb for their consumption.

(My apologies for the length of the post).
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
SSaruman Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
No Problem! ^_^
theroyalscouter Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Rock On. We all need to step back at some point and gives ourselves that time to be. That is the nature of being a person.

I just wish one day we can all have an amazing day, forever.
I can't give you that, but I hope you have a good one.
rgate Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Really nice sharing This journal of your really encourage me !, I'm feel really sorry for that,I can't say i know how you feel because I'm just a kids (19)but i think have similar experiences (maybe 1 in 1000 of your :] ).I'm also put my life into drawing I want to be artist like you.You are one of my most favorite idol :) since i just back to DA and really have no i deal about doing stuff here so i follow you work and I have seen many comment of your, you are so friendly always feedback to your fan :). There'r so many people who lack of consideration and i really don't see any prob about proportion its your style and i love it too <3 Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Sorry if my English 's confusing
dinshino Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
It's nice to have the usefulness of my typical over-analyzing pointed out for once.
Killerwolf19 Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
I wondered about that picture posted with comments disabled. It is sometimes easy to forget where the artist is coming from, sometimes a watcher thinks they're helping by pointing things out that they think are wrong with a piece in progress or even a finished piece and may not know that it was intentional of the artist or will be worked on later by them.

And stop trying to seem so old Elsevilla, you aren't that old ;)
ukitakumuki Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
*pat pat* :) s'all good man
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
thanxs loco enjoying your new designs
ukitakumuki Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Memokkeen Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
jshoekstra Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
Good text, thank you for this. I love your awesome and inspirational art!:D
futarinokizuna Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can relate since there're always (very) annoying people around me too, though I never met a troll before. Humans have their patience limits, and there're douches who don't know -- don't even care about how we felt and that is world. It's good enough you're trying to protect that person tho, but beware that the person doesn't think the same, unless you have smacked the person out of your world and doesn't even care what s/he feel, then it's fine.
Moon-Mascot Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
everything can happen, it's better just to forget about such people and continue doing what you really love. After all we are alive people,it's impossible to make everyone like you. Take care :)
lucidsky Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for writing that. There are times, like today right after a tiring convention weekend, that I feel like I'm going to collapse from all the expectation or poor reputation that may accumulate for my quiet moments or unsatisfied commissioners. We've done all we can, and it will pay off. Thanks for writing this to at least levy the weight I feel. Shared pressure is less pressure.
blu-ion Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012   Artist
i know how you feel. well, sort of, but since i don't have all the years of experience that you have, i can't fully understand. i know what it's like though, to have to talk to people all day. i went to portfolio day last year in my freshman year for pre-college programs and such, and it was absolutely tiring. you start out fresh and cheery in the beginning of the day, but as time wears on, your feet hurt, your arm hurts from carrying your portfolio, and you get tired of all the questions and forms to fill out. so i kind of understand. people probably just thought i was a brat, but its just that i was tired. misunderstandings happen..
chaoman Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
I really know how you feel. Sometimes you just have to sit back, take a deep breath, and realize kids are not as nice as they used to be, and there's some WILD ones out there. Been dealing with one for a bit.

Tvs are not babysitters dangnabit :shakefish:
deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
RebenaTeRa Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012
was a long reading, but I think you are right
TakemaKei Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I hvnt got to that level since i'm no where good but i'm pretty sure it will happen eventually. I feel you.
about the new deviation u made, i dont see anything particularly bad about it. its a nice job like always =)
Seig-Warheit Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i guess most artist experienced the same thing, but well, imma used to it so i never care for what ppl think of me... i hope ppl read this :D
Anraiki Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Student Filmographer
Even though I do not like your choices in your human anatomy, I still think you are a great artist. Remember though, since you are popular, you are going to get just a bit of every feedback.

Like they say, "Haters gonna hate"
E-Dantes Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012
Bueno, sí, la pose es bastante rara y sí, evidentemente explota el atractivo del trasero de la chava, pero el punto es que o haces críticas constructivas o mejor sigue tu camino, porque la gente que agrede como manera de argumentación es gente que sólo busca un pretexto para pelear y sacar sus frustraciones con personas que ni la deben ni la temen. En verdad hay cosas mucho más ofensivas, sobre todo en fotografía, pero como dicen que es "arte" pues ni se quejan ni las reportan. Es horrible cuando te encuentras con tarados de este tipo, espero te recuperes pronto y si deshabilitar los comentarios te hace sentir mejor, entonces adelante. Es tu trabajo y tu galería y si no les gusta, pues para eso hay cientos de artistas de dónde elegir.
Sobre lo de los artistas cansados... Es cierto que como fan, uno nunca piensa en lo cansados que deben estar los artistas de estar todo el día en convención. Creo que uno no los ve como humanos, lo sé porque aunque nunca he estado como artista, sí he estado como parte del stand y es horrible, es algo que no quiero volver a hacer XD
Pero bueno, descansa y olvídate de esa gente. Somos más los que te admiramos que los que te tiran mala leche ;)
Kauil Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Student Digital Artist
This is actually something I've been struggling in myself, creating expectations in my head of other people, making their business my business, needlessly, just to create conflict. Thank you for writing about this. I think this reaches not just artists, but can be applied to many life situations.
L3Moon-Studios Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
Funny, I can relate to your post, but in a different side.

I have a friend who got popular. He invited me to a con. I see it was very hectic and he was one of the judges in the art contest section. I was so excited I told him lets go to the art section next and see what the contestants have. He suddenly burst to me "you're just a visitor! so wait there!". I was so shocked....and at the same time humiliated because he screamed at me right in front of everyone, where his fans can see him.....I walked back. And try not to be bothered since I understand it was hectic there.

But after the convention was done, I talk to him personally about how he burst out on me. I told him not to scream like that at me since I'm his senior(older than him), at the same time, not to scream to anyone in front of a lot of people. And finally I told him he had fans in there, what will they think of him? I saw a couple of his fans had an ugly face when they saw the incident...... He then kept quiet about it and not sure if he apologized. He was 22.....and I'm in my 30s...but after that incident he never get angry at the convention again and try to be cool even when everything is hectic.

I understand how it would be stressful when you are in such a situation, especially when I was hectic and stress a lot of times in 12 years. But my old seniors always tell me to keep it cool, you can rant at the back afterwards anyways.

But for that guy you mentioned who tried to ask another "better" sketch.....wth? I dont understand why people would ask for more when they already had one for seems people have become greedy now :(
maxblackrabbit Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hah hah, story of my life. I like talking to people at a convention but yeah, too much talking and I don't get work done. it's nice that people see me a s a nice guy at conventions but there are the few that will go on and on if you give them half the chance. or if you are talking, some butt in. I actually point at the person I want to hear from at the time to get the conversation out of the way and onto the next one. I've had people yell at me before, I've had people talk themselves out of a commission at my table before too, it's a strange wacky world, this world of conventions. :)

I always say it's the best time and the worst time to meet/talk to your fave artists. Best thing to do is probably ask if they got a minute so you look less like a jerk just busting in and conversing at them. ;)

So when i catch you at a convention, I'll glom on and ask you for pretty pictures, all for free, all for me. :)
bchart Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I'd just like to say that I was one of the people watching the stream for American Star that was talking about the pose. I wasn't complaining, in fact I think that we all sgree that the pic is quite outstanding. We were just having a sincere discussion about whether or not it was physically possible (someone insisted that it was possible, but i was disagreeing, that is all) not attacking your artistic choices. :p please continue to do what you do best - put out creative and inspiring work, free from others' opinions.
MatiasSoto Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
I'm not nearly even a quarter as popular as you in DA and yet get one of those violent stupid people every once in a while, and I sort of have a policy to answer most of my comments if possible, so most of the time I try to give them an honest answer. But since trolling doesn't involve logic most of the time they don't answer back. But yeah, sometimes I'm just tired so I don't answer or at least wait until when I can answer properly, so I can totally relate on that.

About being an "offensive drawing", well I know that the lack of logic and reason on such a comment from this person is beyond me; so I won't even try to get into it, after all "don't get in an argument with a moron where you have to dumb down to his level, because he will beat you with experience" so I'm just gonna leave this link :) [link]
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
nice link
MatiasSoto Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Jejeje, de nada estimado, lo vi el otro dia y me hizo mucha gracia.:lol:
Sashei-Alexandre Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012   General Artist
I'm sorry people are like that. Be selfish. It's good now and then. ^^ I think you've drawn many wonderful things, and people don't understand sometimes that art is just a form of expression and fun. It's not always serious, and I'm sorry for the people who can't understand and see that. Your work is amazing. Don't let others get you down too much. I understand how hard it can be. I'm only in my 20s, but because of chronic migraines and certain medical issues, I feel much older and understand how difficult it can be to spend hours and hours on a project.
Maybe you should take a few days to yourself and just ignore everyone else for a while. Work on your projects, but not stream them and take it at your own pace. All of your fans (me included) would understand if you did. I hope you take care. And don't worry about what others think, most of us understood why you blocked comments on the work.
anime-halo Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Student General Artist
You had to disable comments? I find that ridiculous...I thought that piece of art was very good and deserved to be praised for it, not be torn down. I watched you do that piece from start to finish on the livestream (or at least what you streamed) and although people in stream complained about it at least once I found it to be a wonderful piece that displayed knowledge and understanding of art. I think once you have been doing art for so long and have a certain grasp you should be able to bend certain things to your will to work for you. I watch the stream as I usually do and learned much from it. You are an inspiration and the fact that people do this is wrong. I agree completely with you and am upset that this happens to any artist even the ones that still lack the understanding of what they are doing in most aspects. Best of luck on your art and I hope that people will realize what they are doing so that you dont have to disable the comments again...
talywankers Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Gosh, you always open my eyes with having understanding and kindness in the art field. I understand; don't strain yourself, please! (:
Also I know who you're talking about and read her comments for myself before. I felt like it took you a lot to restrain from bursting on her when she decided to insult you family. I would have been the same way, believe me.
Add a Comment:

:iconelsevilla: More from elsevilla

Featured in Collections

journals by SophieBrigitteXD

LiteratureStampsGifs by Tiian-sama

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
July 29, 2012


91 (who?)