Journal Entry: Mon Jun 8, 2009, 9:09 AM
Been drawing in proyects i hve doing, with starcraft, and many other things, but personal things, NONE.
When i was young like 20s, used to draw with a smile on my face all the moment, from the begginging to an end of the drawings. Turn out the light get in bed, get up turn the light again watched the drawing, smiled, then go again to bed, and sometimes i watched over 3 or 4 times before i got to bed, saying luv that piece.
Then years pass, you become a pro, you learn tons of new things, change to digital, and the smile fades away....
What changed, were your twin go.....thats the questions ive been doing for the past 3 years, until last week, solved the puzzle.( i mean if you can solve a rubiks cube you can solve everything, i do, luv my cube).
IVE BELIEVE ARTISTS HAS A TWIN SOUL, ARTISTS ARE TWINS.
When you are a child, everyone its playing you are with a book and a pencil or pen, drawing, kids are smiling, you are in a corner of the class, everyone are talking, paper planes passing by you, people are talking about parties, people will think that guys its not adapted to the class, and he is alone when they draw, like if got disconected from the class, while he is drawing, but he doesnt look sad, while he is SMILING????.( What the teacher dont see, its that you arent alone, sitting next to you its a twin brother, giving you ideas and liking what you are drawing sometimes its making jokes when you draw, that people can hear or see, the only two persons that know what its happening its you and your twin.
Then years pass by, you get old, but somehow your twin remains the same, a small kid. When you draw you are in comunion with that little twin brother. But some how to more old you get, the more distractions come to your life, in my case beers, you go out and drink, get some girls, have fun. Then you return, to draw, he was all day waiting for you next to your notebook, he was sad but now that you returned he smiles and try to talk with you in the process. But its a one side talk.......sad.
You wont hear it anymore, you are focussed on anatomy, perfection, colors, prefection, you wont hear his jokes, about what the character you are drawing did past day. That little kid next to you, its your link to the both worlds. The opne you draw and reality, you will know if your character, will be sad ona rainy day, her favorite color, what music will they hear, ect, all because your twin knows.
But because you wont hear him anymore, he just leaves.... Then time passes, you are drawing and you know something its missing, something, you cant find in any tutorial and books, your paper characters looks life less, you feel empty, deadlines are killing you. And then you are drawing and look in the mirror, and your face its so....sad.
Then you look at the empty chair next to you, and you know someone was sitting next to you but cant remember.
Then you know someones its missing, and you draw tons and tons of people, upload them to deviant art, you show them to your friends, telling them what they see, they tell you mistakes and stuff, but you are not looking for that, you unconciuosly searching for your twin.
You draw and you draw, searching for it. Some artists wont ever see him again. And when you dont see him, you are just a machine, a drawing machine, no soul.
Past week, i started thinking about this, why i felt so alone while i draw, something was missing, for the past 2 years been searching for him, until past week i was.......i .....was...... SMILING.
SMILING. Best sensation in the world returned to me, i missed myself, then my characters started to look less empty, and their habits and inside jokes returned to me once again, sometimes when i draw i hear child laughs of myself.
Some people calls them muse, other inspiration...But i call them...my
Havent uploaded a nything new that ive been doing, with this new sensation, i can i say its that the starcraft pages ive been doing are way waayyyy to far away from other 3 volumes. The best work i have done, not in skills, but compared again myself they are.
Sometimes you got to lose a thing, to know whats importatn in life, yourelf.
Listening to: My demons
Reading: my mind
Eating: junk food