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Lose yourself in art

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 8, 2009, 9:09 AM
Been drawing in proyects i hve doing, with starcraft, and many other things, but personal things, NONE.

When i was young like 20s, used to draw with a smile on my face all the moment, from the begginging to an end of the drawings. Turn out the light get in bed, get up turn the light again watched the drawing, smiled, then go again to bed, and sometimes i watched over 3 or 4 times before i got to bed, saying luv that piece.

Then years pass, you become a pro, you learn tons of new things, change to digital, and the smile fades away....

What changed, were your twin go.....thats the questions ive been doing for the past 3 years, until last week, solved the puzzle.( i mean if you can solve a rubiks cube you can solve everything, i do, luv my cube).


When you are a child, everyone its playing you are with a book and a pencil or pen, drawing, kids are smiling, you are in a corner of the class, everyone are talking, paper planes passing by you, people are talking about parties, people will think that guys its not adapted to the class, and he is alone when they draw, like if got disconected from the class, while he is drawing, but he doesnt look sad, while he is SMILING????.( What the teacher dont see, its that you arent alone, sitting next to you its a twin brother, giving you ideas and liking what you are drawing sometimes its making jokes when you draw, that people can hear or see, the only two persons that know what its happening its you and your twin.

Then years pass by, you get old, but somehow your twin remains the same, a small kid. When you draw you are in comunion with that little twin brother. But some how to more old you get, the more distractions come to your life, in my case beers, you go out and drink, get some girls, have fun. Then you return, to draw, he was all day waiting for you next to your notebook, he was sad but now that you returned he smiles and try to talk with you in the process. But its a one side talk.......sad.

You wont hear it anymore, you are focussed on anatomy, perfection, colors, prefection, you wont hear his jokes, about what the character you are drawing did past day. That little kid next to you, its your link to the both worlds. The opne you draw and reality, you will know if your character, will be sad ona rainy day, her favorite color, what music will they hear, ect, all because your twin knows.

But because you wont hear him anymore, he just leaves.... Then time passes, you are drawing and you know something its missing, something, you cant find in any tutorial and books, your paper characters looks life less, you feel empty, deadlines are killing you. And then you are drawing and look in the mirror, and your face its so....sad.

Then you look at the empty chair next to you, and you know someone was sitting next to you but cant remember.

Then you know someones its missing, and you draw tons and tons of people, upload them to deviant art, you show them to your friends, telling them what they see, they tell you mistakes and stuff, but you are not looking for that, you unconciuosly searching for your twin.

You draw and you draw, searching for it. Some artists wont ever see him again. And when you dont see him, you are just a machine, a drawing machine, no soul.

Past week, i started thinking about this, why i felt so alone while i draw, something was missing, for the past 2 years been searching for him, until past week i was.......i .....was...... SMILING.

SMILING. Best sensation in the world returned to me, i missed myself, then my characters started to look less empty, and their habits and inside jokes returned to me once again, sometimes when i draw i hear child laughs of myself.

Some people calls them muse, other inspiration...But i call


Havent uploaded a nything new that ive been doing, with this new sensation, i can i say its that the starcraft pages ive been doing are way waayyyy to far away from other 3 volumes. The best work i have done, not in skills, but compared again myself they are.

Sometimes you got to lose a thing, to know whats importatn in life, yourelf.

  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: My demons
  • Reading: my mind
  • Watching: lost
  • Eating: junk food
  • Drinking: coffee
Add a Comment:
manictails Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010
I think you lose your twin when you stop drawing for yourself. As soon as you stop drawing what you want to draw, it goes.
I myself enjoy drawing, but as soon as i go into art class drawing becomes nightmarish. I had a project once where we had to design packaging, and i was able to draw something i wanted, and i noticed that i was a lot happier doing that project than others. You sort of lose it when perfection matters.
johannady2 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
there's this drawing i promised to finish..
and i don't really feel like drawing it..
it is ironman.
and it is totally not my style...
it looks kinda good because i have been looking at tutorials and stuff before i started..
but it is taking so long and i feel like a life less drawing machine whenever i draw on it T-T
Papineau Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree with you about the whole thing. I wounldn't call it that way but its similar as you say. I hoped it returned forever.
Disolution Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2009
I never tought of saying such a thing but this entry was so touching and actually messed me up while i readed your side :( but at least u had a happy ending...

I think i still have my twin but i dont usually draw but pass the time (everyewhere even college) thinking on scenarios and characters, i always want to draw but i found that i had one more twin, the almighty lazyness :(, but i shall prevail xD!!!!
Savantis Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2009
Love your entry... Now it all makes sense! ^_^ I used to love drawing alot and sketch and sketch in textbooks all day long.

But when I started studying art seriously and focusing on anatomy and perspective, I lost that sense of happiness at my artwork also.

I've since then stopped the lessons and tried to go back to my past and find out what I like drawing. Perhaps when I enjoy drawing again I'll start up lessons again.

But this has got to be the best explanation ever!

Twin, twin, where are you! ^_^
Miruflow Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009
Hola Hector.
Antes que nada dejame decirte que te estoy muy agradecida por esas palabras. A pesar de ser aun una aficionada me preocupo demasiado por lo que a la gente le gusta, anatomia, y me olvido de lo que a mi me complacia. A pesar de disfrutar haciendo fanarts u otros dibujos, tambien tengo mis historias, un mundo entero que progresaba al parecer bien, sin embargo, tus palabras me hicieron recordar a mi propio gemelo... El nunca me había dejado, pero empezaba a desaparecer en estas semanas porque estaba abstraida en otras cosas, problemas que como todos tienen solucion...

Pero antes de perderlo, lo recuperé, y por primera vez, vi su forma, como era para mi. Pude dibujar a mi gemelo y decirle que logre dibujarlo, que sigue siendo importante para mi.
Mi gemelo es Miruflow, y gracias a ti, nunca lo volvere a olvidar por caprichos estupidos. Gracias, de verdad estoy muy agradecida.
Bueno si añadimos musica cursi seria el colmo, jeje creo que me puse medio sentimental, aun así viene de mi corazon.
Es bueno escuchar el consejo y el recapacitar de un artista veterano y experto como tu.
Un ultimo gracias, y que tu propio gemelo nunca vuela a perderse :peace:
Ardanae Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009
You couldn't have described this better! Recently life has taken away my muse and any drawing feels empty and boring.

I want her back:(
Andres-Blanco Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009
Amigo, a pesar de nuestra distancia agradezco mucho haber leido estas palabras, honestamente nunca leo mucho los journal de deviant, no lo digo por ti, pero en general lo que siempre leo en los Journal son dibujantes tratando de ver su producto o imagen lo mejor posible, desde imagenes humanas y conciliadoras, hasta gente colgadas de las modas, pero nunca de esto, de lo que REALMENTE es lo que pasa con el dibujante.

Como vez, yo eh dejado de subir cosas a miDeviant por mucho, mucho tiempo, algo me pasa y no podia encontrarle una respuesta, al fin alguien a podido cerrar el circulo de mis preguntas, lamentablemente mi compañero de aventuras se a ido por ahi cuando lo deje de escuchar, preocupado de las deadlineas, de ser mejor que otros porque o sino no me dan trabajo, de tratar de imitar estilos de los artistas mas cotizados, todo ello se convierte en unos "tapaoidos" que no te dejan escuchar nada, despues terminas mucho mas solo de lo que empezaste.

Por suerte aun creo que puedo encontrarlo, volver a esa sensacion de dibujar y disfrutar de ello, la añoro mucho, si siento que me falta algo en este momento es esas ganas de disfrutar de el dibujo, algo que los dibucio jantes con el tiempo olvidan, metidos mas en el a maquina de producir y cumplir con sus obligaciones,

Man,tu journal me a tocado a fondo, me hizo ver cuanto era realmente lo vacio que me encuentro.

Me gustaria saber, como lo hiciste para recuperar de a poco eso, a veces me dan ganas de dejar de lado toda la teoria y todo y simplemente CREAR con la misma libertad que lo hacia antes.

Pero bueno, las deadlines apremian, pero de seguro cuando esten bien muertas esas lineas aprovechare de pensar en esto,Saludos amigo!.
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
El truco es pensar que le personaje existe, mas que la tecnica que lo va a plasmar, tienes que creer quue esta vivo, cual es su color favorito, por que trae ese pantalon, que musica escucha, y al pensar todo esto, estas soñando.

Lo cual independientemente, si sale bien o mal el dibujo, el ersonaje ya no esta hueco. No nama das es otra monta con espada. Un cascaron de maniqui.
baby-marshmallow Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
You are exactly right, this description is perfect. I've been trying to perfect so many things that I really really missed myself; and every once and a while I would catch myself laughing and smiling at something I was doing that should seem totally mundane or silly but it feels like I remembered something I wasn't supposed to forget. I haven't found my partner again yet, just little glimpses over the past few months, but I do realise the importance and the fact that to truly enjoy what I'm doing I need them back.

(Coincidentally all this week I've been trying to sort out my feelings with regards to this subject, and you just laid it out in a very elegant way, thanks for that!) ^_^
quembot Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2009
just got across your page!yup!i had that feeling too!:liquisoft:...i really think you're a great artist to notice those feelings!wooohoooo!thanks for this wonderful journal!hope to use it when i come to age!:dance:
KingJoJohn Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Re-creation is the best way to get in touch with your inner self. Meditation, Rest, Inspiring music, are the best tools for re-creating yourself to recharge your imagination batteries. (My Anatomy Drawing Professor told me this)

I do feel miserable sometimes being in school with workloads piling on top of my schedule. It's extremely hard to be creative while under pressure from your professors. But sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do the damn job.

The thing is, it's not all in vain since you learn things that you never knew before and you could use that in the future.

I actually can't wait for a break from school. There'll be more time to art it up and work with my muse instead of projects.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Appreciate it.
tuushii Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2009  Student General Artist
haha you could think that, that twin is actually your very soul and inspiration
-guess we'd better take good care of him more xP
avencri Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Vaya, estuviste pensando un chorro. A mi me suele pasar seguido... y entonces es cuando hago a un lado los dibujos para otros y hago rayoneos para mi solo. Es como una especie de autocomplacencia. ^^U
Guru0022 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009   Filmographer
Well worded and thought through.. glad ya found it again and I think you may have helped a lot of others find it too by sharing. Keep it up and try to never stop smilin :) words I try to live by :nod:
headlesssnowangel Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009
lol, this kinda makes sense, even though i'm still pretty young (half your age, actually), but what happens to those who already have twins, lol? like me, i'm already a twin, so does that mean i have another one? >__< hmmm, i'll remember to put emotion into my drawings. nice theory, and i'm glad you are happy with your drawings again ^__^
RainbowFever Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist

That's amazing.

Chibimita Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009  Student General Artist
I had a small animation task on my school once,make moving drawings in a tiny flip-book.
The teacher said "Simple,and maybe colorful"
I decided I wanted to make a flower growing up.

But then I wanted to make it good so I wanted to add moving cluds and mountains and a raining cloud---. I got frustreated that this didn't work as I wanted it to.
I wanted to give up.

Wait-! That wasn't what I really wanted draw! That wasent the fun thing I was foucsing on. It was the flower I wanted to start drawing. "You can add the details later." A simple moment I learned from. :aww: The result became good too when I enoying it.

One last thing I had to agree with you.
The writing and drawing-style can surely tell wheter you are sad,stressed or happy.
You are more consetrated and do a good job writing/drawing when ok.
Chibimita Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009  Student General Artist
When you mention all do is working when you are drawing then it obvious why you are sad. You are locked to work on something something you MUST do,but you know in your heart you don't want to do it now.

I think your twin is a already a one piece of you. Never a seperated part. He has always been there and still is,you just can't see him or notice. It's like with dead people.

Most children do what they think is fun,and keep it that way,that is parts of you that feels good to grow up with.

It's no fun doing what you love when I know I really don't want to right now.
Gamboi Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009
Tu mi amigo, eres un sabio.Y espero que no vuelvas a perder a ese gemelo jamas.
Chewyee Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009
Indeed... I was in design course for 3 years.

Slowly I come to neglect what he really wants.

Just before I graduate. I paused and said to myself I want to find him back again.

I can say now he's back with me and I'm happily drawing again...

I've got much to learn from you!
dai-hima Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009
So that was what was missing. 8'DD

*rolls over happily, smoooshing self-disgust with her fat, contented body*

c': I'm going to look for her. lol~ ;A;
mochi-king Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009
thank you. this is really inspirational.

i think thats whats missing in me. my drawing twin. i have been too focused on the fundamentals that i took the "fun" out of drawing. :(

i miss doing happy drawings. when i draw something, i dont have that "happy" feeling anymore. coz i always look for perfection and total anatomic correctness. XD

so, i think i should be looking for my twin! :D

i think he was left behind on my progress! we should both improve together. :)
m-o-th Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009   Digital Artist
that's touching...
that kinda happened to me, when I kinda lost "my smile" in drawing. something needed to be done. then I came across elizabeth gilbert's talk: [link] that was posted in a deviant's journal. and my view in drawing/arts takes on a turning point. the creativity doesn't come from you entirely, but from an entity. you just have to show up ^^
and now I think I'm beginning to lose my way again... and I came across your jounal.. >////<
thanks so much for the inspiration.
your arts are just too amazing O.O
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
thanxs for the link
m-o-th Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2009   Digital Artist
oh, welcome~^^
scyfon Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009
I got teary reading that.
Beautiful, just....beautiful ;_;
WTK Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Isaro69 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009  Professional General Artist
for me, it was allways more like a relationship with what i drawed... thats why i never threw a draw, no matter how shitty it was, to the garbage, cause in some way they were born from me..
readin´ what u wrote really kicked me, cause for a couple of months.... i´ve noticed that the smile that decorated my face every time i sat to draw or paint even to play my guitar was gone...
now, tnx to u... i guess i think i now why...

-it really sucks when u start seeing a cheet of paper or a canvass or a monitor where there used to be that world of inmesurable wonders, that used to open its doors for u-
EmoAllDayLong Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Very inspirational and moving T_T

I will try my best to not lose my twin!
Naymless Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009
I cannot say that the twin brother thing is true for me, but something very similar came into my mind. Concerning anatomy, perspective, correctness and "Perfection"

Reality kills creativity.

Too many doubts that an arm may be wrong totally disturbes my drawing "flow"
bored2tearz Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My god

This is so true
I think my brain had an orgasm from reading this
thank you
Saikyo-Dragon Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009
Nicely writen and Sooo true.
I used to be able to come home and just start drawing spontaneously. Now I have to push myself as if I no longer have a passion for it. However, when I do random sketches on transport I feel my twin has returned.
hmm I definitely know what you mean. lately ive been drawing dozens upon dozens of figures, but none of them seem real, or really worth much at all...
I'm trying to focus more on just enjoying putting pencil to paper, and capturing emotion, not just perfect anatomy etc :)
vmbui Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009   Digital Artist
I'm glad you found your twin again. :) Don't lose sight of him!
SuperBeanWorld Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009
You just explained to me what I have been missing over the last year and I had no idea >< I'm glad you found your twin again =)I just gotta find mine now lol
shtl Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Just spot on! Feel so simple and right!
Thanks for the share. :sun:

When I think of it, when I realise I 'm a gimp, and made my partner a selling bitch, I feel dirty and sad. I'll try take better care of my dear partner, but you know... have to sell, have to own your life, hun!?

This is in the air.... Wondering what you think of "Where the Wild Things Are" ?
xZetta Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009
I wish I could favourite journals. Because your journals are an inspiration to me. :]
localspaceman Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009  Professional General Artist
right now I'm living somewhere half way into your story. Trying to find my way back to happy.
AngelaRizza Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
I actually started to get a little teary after reading this one, but I also have an urge to draw in the sketchbook i haven't touched in a while, next to me. Thank you.
bunnYY Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009
I love your journals. You made me remember how I did used to smile and love my drawings and I don't anymore and it seem to become worse... Thanks a lot for the nudge in the head! I hope I find my old friend soon :)
alonzobartley Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009  Professional Filmographer
All I can say is, "Wow."

Thanks for the eye opener.

Cthulu-Hula Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009  Student General Artist
I can totally relate to this! i have been working so hard working on perfection and deadlines that it has zapped my happy creative self. i only realized where she went and that she had gone when i looked at some of my old stuff and now shes back and now i have time to draw.
Moving journal mate!
Kinbarri Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009  Student Digital Artist
Ahhh, for me art is something that more or less consumes me. I've been drawing for a mighty long time, and i don't smile until I'm done and satisfied with a piece. well, that is, art wise. if I'm doing a project, like making clothing or or dolls or something i'm usually pretty happy with it even before I'm done. oh! what you said about the twin thing, you should take a look at this! it has a lot to do with what your talking about lol:
CrazyFoxMoon Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I just have to say that every once in a while, one of your journal entries is a real inspiration. I end up printing it out and carrying it in a folder in my backpack.

This was one of those times.

Thank you.
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
haha thanxs sorry about the bad typing.
CrazyFoxMoon Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem about the bad typing. If I don't pay close attention, mine is really quite bad. :rofl:
Tatong Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009   Traditional Artist
I just realized...

it was him/her/it...

for the past few years sometimes I've been trying to "kill" that entity ... cuz I blame them for some things (being moody at drawing/art and unproductive about it , I want to forcefully expand myself in the field of art i choose the most). but it seems that we always tend to reconcile through drawing. seems like he/she/it asks me to draw a certain thing just to express the thoughts of a certain stuff which I call "the child within me". it's just like havin a little brother askin for a favor but your too damn busy to give a damn...

as you said in the end you'll only appriciate the value of things when it's not there anymore.
SineSquared Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2009
Thanks for your inspiration. You put my own thoughts into words. You're always so REAl about everything. No matter what, I always look forward to reading your journals.
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Submitted on
June 8, 2009


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