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Submitted on
June 8, 2009


14 (who?)

Lose yourself in art

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 8, 2009, 9:09 AM
Been drawing in proyects i hve doing, with starcraft, and many other things, but personal things, NONE.

When i was young like 20s, used to draw with a smile on my face all the moment, from the begginging to an end of the drawings. Turn out the light get in bed, get up turn the light again watched the drawing, smiled, then go again to bed, and sometimes i watched over 3 or 4 times before i got to bed, saying luv that piece.

Then years pass, you become a pro, you learn tons of new things, change to digital, and the smile fades away....

What changed, were your twin go.....thats the questions ive been doing for the past 3 years, until last week, solved the puzzle.( i mean if you can solve a rubiks cube you can solve everything, i do, luv my cube).


When you are a child, everyone its playing you are with a book and a pencil or pen, drawing, kids are smiling, you are in a corner of the class, everyone are talking, paper planes passing by you, people are talking about parties, people will think that guys its not adapted to the class, and he is alone when they draw, like if got disconected from the class, while he is drawing, but he doesnt look sad, while he is SMILING????.( What the teacher dont see, its that you arent alone, sitting next to you its a twin brother, giving you ideas and liking what you are drawing sometimes its making jokes when you draw, that people can hear or see, the only two persons that know what its happening its you and your twin.

Then years pass by, you get old, but somehow your twin remains the same, a small kid. When you draw you are in comunion with that little twin brother. But some how to more old you get, the more distractions come to your life, in my case beers, you go out and drink, get some girls, have fun. Then you return, to draw, he was all day waiting for you next to your notebook, he was sad but now that you returned he smiles and try to talk with you in the process. But its a one side talk.......sad.

You wont hear it anymore, you are focussed on anatomy, perfection, colors, prefection, you wont hear his jokes, about what the character you are drawing did past day. That little kid next to you, its your link to the both worlds. The opne you draw and reality, you will know if your character, will be sad ona rainy day, her favorite color, what music will they hear, ect, all because your twin knows.

But because you wont hear him anymore, he just leaves.... Then time passes, you are drawing and you know something its missing, something, you cant find in any tutorial and books, your paper characters looks life less, you feel empty, deadlines are killing you. And then you are drawing and look in the mirror, and your face its so....sad.

Then you look at the empty chair next to you, and you know someone was sitting next to you but cant remember.

Then you know someones its missing, and you draw tons and tons of people, upload them to deviant art, you show them to your friends, telling them what they see, they tell you mistakes and stuff, but you are not looking for that, you unconciuosly searching for your twin.

You draw and you draw, searching for it. Some artists wont ever see him again. And when you dont see him, you are just a machine, a drawing machine, no soul.

Past week, i started thinking about this, why i felt so alone while i draw, something was missing, for the past 2 years been searching for him, until past week i was.......i .....was...... SMILING.

SMILING. Best sensation in the world returned to me, i missed myself, then my characters started to look less empty, and their habits and inside jokes returned to me once again, sometimes when i draw i hear child laughs of myself.

Some people calls them muse, other inspiration...But i call


Havent uploaded a nything new that ive been doing, with this new sensation, i can i say its that the starcraft pages ive been doing are way waayyyy to far away from other 3 volumes. The best work i have done, not in skills, but compared again myself they are.

Sometimes you got to lose a thing, to know whats importatn in life, yourelf.

  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: My demons
  • Reading: my mind
  • Watching: lost
  • Eating: junk food
  • Drinking: coffee
Add a Comment:
manictails Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010
I think you lose your twin when you stop drawing for yourself. As soon as you stop drawing what you want to draw, it goes.
I myself enjoy drawing, but as soon as i go into art class drawing becomes nightmarish. I had a project once where we had to design packaging, and i was able to draw something i wanted, and i noticed that i was a lot happier doing that project than others. You sort of lose it when perfection matters.
johannady2 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
there's this drawing i promised to finish..
and i don't really feel like drawing it..
it is ironman.
and it is totally not my style...
it looks kinda good because i have been looking at tutorials and stuff before i started..
but it is taking so long and i feel like a life less drawing machine whenever i draw on it T-T
Papineau Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree with you about the whole thing. I wounldn't call it that way but its similar as you say. I hoped it returned forever.
Disolution Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2009
I never tought of saying such a thing but this entry was so touching and actually messed me up while i readed your side :( but at least u had a happy ending...

I think i still have my twin but i dont usually draw but pass the time (everyewhere even college) thinking on scenarios and characters, i always want to draw but i found that i had one more twin, the almighty lazyness :(, but i shall prevail xD!!!!
Savantis Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2009
Love your entry... Now it all makes sense! ^_^ I used to love drawing alot and sketch and sketch in textbooks all day long.

But when I started studying art seriously and focusing on anatomy and perspective, I lost that sense of happiness at my artwork also.

I've since then stopped the lessons and tried to go back to my past and find out what I like drawing. Perhaps when I enjoy drawing again I'll start up lessons again.

But this has got to be the best explanation ever!

Twin, twin, where are you! ^_^
Miruflow Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009
Hola Hector.
Antes que nada dejame decirte que te estoy muy agradecida por esas palabras. A pesar de ser aun una aficionada me preocupo demasiado por lo que a la gente le gusta, anatomia, y me olvido de lo que a mi me complacia. A pesar de disfrutar haciendo fanarts u otros dibujos, tambien tengo mis historias, un mundo entero que progresaba al parecer bien, sin embargo, tus palabras me hicieron recordar a mi propio gemelo... El nunca me había dejado, pero empezaba a desaparecer en estas semanas porque estaba abstraida en otras cosas, problemas que como todos tienen solucion...

Pero antes de perderlo, lo recuperé, y por primera vez, vi su forma, como era para mi. Pude dibujar a mi gemelo y decirle que logre dibujarlo, que sigue siendo importante para mi.
Mi gemelo es Miruflow, y gracias a ti, nunca lo volvere a olvidar por caprichos estupidos. Gracias, de verdad estoy muy agradecida.
Bueno si añadimos musica cursi seria el colmo, jeje creo que me puse medio sentimental, aun así viene de mi corazon.
Es bueno escuchar el consejo y el recapacitar de un artista veterano y experto como tu.
Un ultimo gracias, y que tu propio gemelo nunca vuela a perderse :peace:
Ardanae Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009
You couldn't have described this better! Recently life has taken away my muse and any drawing feels empty and boring.

I want her back:(
Andres-Blanco Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009
Amigo, a pesar de nuestra distancia agradezco mucho haber leido estas palabras, honestamente nunca leo mucho los journal de deviant, no lo digo por ti, pero en general lo que siempre leo en los Journal son dibujantes tratando de ver su producto o imagen lo mejor posible, desde imagenes humanas y conciliadoras, hasta gente colgadas de las modas, pero nunca de esto, de lo que REALMENTE es lo que pasa con el dibujante.

Como vez, yo eh dejado de subir cosas a miDeviant por mucho, mucho tiempo, algo me pasa y no podia encontrarle una respuesta, al fin alguien a podido cerrar el circulo de mis preguntas, lamentablemente mi compañero de aventuras se a ido por ahi cuando lo deje de escuchar, preocupado de las deadlineas, de ser mejor que otros porque o sino no me dan trabajo, de tratar de imitar estilos de los artistas mas cotizados, todo ello se convierte en unos "tapaoidos" que no te dejan escuchar nada, despues terminas mucho mas solo de lo que empezaste.

Por suerte aun creo que puedo encontrarlo, volver a esa sensacion de dibujar y disfrutar de ello, la añoro mucho, si siento que me falta algo en este momento es esas ganas de disfrutar de el dibujo, algo que los dibucio jantes con el tiempo olvidan, metidos mas en el a maquina de producir y cumplir con sus obligaciones,

Man,tu journal me a tocado a fondo, me hizo ver cuanto era realmente lo vacio que me encuentro.

Me gustaria saber, como lo hiciste para recuperar de a poco eso, a veces me dan ganas de dejar de lado toda la teoria y todo y simplemente CREAR con la misma libertad que lo hacia antes.

Pero bueno, las deadlines apremian, pero de seguro cuando esten bien muertas esas lineas aprovechare de pensar en esto,Saludos amigo!.
elsevilla Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
El truco es pensar que le personaje existe, mas que la tecnica que lo va a plasmar, tienes que creer quue esta vivo, cual es su color favorito, por que trae ese pantalon, que musica escucha, y al pensar todo esto, estas soñando.

Lo cual independientemente, si sale bien o mal el dibujo, el ersonaje ya no esta hueco. No nama das es otra monta con espada. Un cascaron de maniqui.
baby-marshmallow Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
You are exactly right, this description is perfect. I've been trying to perfect so many things that I really really missed myself; and every once and a while I would catch myself laughing and smiling at something I was doing that should seem totally mundane or silly but it feels like I remembered something I wasn't supposed to forget. I haven't found my partner again yet, just little glimpses over the past few months, but I do realise the importance and the fact that to truly enjoy what I'm doing I need them back.

(Coincidentally all this week I've been trying to sort out my feelings with regards to this subject, and you just laid it out in a very elegant way, thanks for that!) ^_^
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